Please let me fail!

[Warning: What follows is a rant]

If there is one thing that hinders innovation in India, it is the societal intolerance to failures. People around you are unforgiving if you "fail", especially if you failed in something that is unconventional. Say for your engineering undergraduation you chose a stream that "does not have scope", you are doing something that is dangerously unconventional! And perchance if you fail to get a well paying job at the end of it, god help you! Mind you, you need not have failed because you chose an unconventional path. But you failed allright.

That parents (and family) expect their kids to be safe, settled and successful is justified. What is not justified, however, is that the measures of success et al. are predefined and immutable. I see so many times people worrying that their kids are not getting anywhere (meaning, they don't earn as much as their friends; don't yet have a plot of land unlike the others etc..), whereas the said kids are thoroughly enjoying their life learning new skills and working hard. Let alone the family, even others assume a right to measure a person's success! Just because they have access to the measures!

If one is a PhD student, especially is India, one has to deal with this on a regular basis. If there is some career choice in India that is totally absolutely "out of syllabus", it is chosing to do a PhD in Computer Science, in India! (Add to it, "not from one of the most reputed institutes", if you will.) Imagine doing a PhD in CS, when "software has a huge scope" in the Indian industry! One must be crazy to waste 5-6 years doing a PhD. One gets asked questions such as the following on a regular basis: why PhD; why in India; why not in [great country|institute]; what is the scope for PhDs in India; what is the range of the starting salary for PhDs.

Sometimes, if the people are in good form, the questions are nastier: how good is [the institute where you are pursuing a PhD]  for a PhD; how good are the advisors here (if they were good, they would be in the US or Europe, naturally!); when will you graduate, hasn't it been more than 3 years already; can you get a job in India; may be you should try for a job in the US, I don't think you can get a job in India; why don't you plan to settle in the US.

I am not making any of this up. I get to deal with them so regularly, sometimes from family, sometimes from strangers, that I have got used to them. But sometimes the annoyance accumulates so much that it gets to your nerves. This rant is a possibly a result of that. So, I have one thing to ask: people, please don't bother. I promise to never to pry and never to judge your life. I never do.

Please let me fail! Please let us fail. People who fail matter too, you know. In fact, if you check the history of the world, it is the people who risked failure that mattered the most. When one is exploring something new, failure is the norm! But if such a person even succeeds marginally, it potentially has a happy effect on several others. If I want to find a job in India, it is my prerogative. When a person is doing research work, there cannot be guarantees on time. If I fail to complete my PhD in 3 years, it's alright with me. I prefer failing on my terms to succeeding on yours! I do crave success as much as you do. I do want a well paying job, a cozy home, an LCD TV, and subscriptions to lifestyle magazines. But on my own terms; at my own pace.

I am happy, however unlikely or unreasonable it may appear to you. Happy that I am learning new things. Getting awestruck by the beauty of things. Generating ideas and implementing some. Contributing in my own little way. I am proud of what I am doing. I don't carry any illusions that whatever I do is going to make a difference to anyone. But again, the history of the world is a story of the synergy of countless tiny ideas coming together over time. Unless you allow people to risk going out of established paths, innovation cannot and will not happen. I am sure you mean well when you expect me to be settled and satisfied. But what if I want to be unsettled? Look at the world around you. How can a creative and sensitive person not be unsettled by what he observes and experiences?

And please understand that such aversion or anxiety towards failure is unwarranted. Things have changed quite a bit. People can afford a little bit of failure these days. It's alright if a kid tries something and fails. He has the time and resources to recover from his failures. If someone takes a break from her job to learn fencing or photography (or even just to relax!), it's alright, all is not over for her. I am sure there are more than a just few ways to live a good life. I am not sorry if all this sounds lofty or highhanded, because when you pry on me with condescending questions, you are not exactly being humble.