(Somewhat related to this post by sri)
Some of us are easily put off by many things in the routine that many others barely notice. In some sense, we are in 'our own world', generally preoccupied by our thoughts, with a feeling of being in control; and suddenly something comes up that we struggle to cope with. We can associate with many of the things described in that post, such as not being good at handling routine things, being uncomfortable in social interactions etc..
For me, it can be the simplest of things, such as reaching the lab in the morning. I am ready to take the bus when I suddenly realise that I don't have change for the bus. (You need exact change, otherwise you can't ride.) Or may be I don't even have cash. Then the process starts. I have to walk up to the ATM, withdraw cash; then walk to some place where I can buy something unnecessary, because I wont get change otherwise in most places. Finally when I come back to take a bus, (by then I would usually have missed one or two busses), all these errands in the cold here leave me numb in more than one way. It takes quite some time after that to get back to work.
Or it could be about dealing with work related issues such as running behind sysadmins trying to convince them to grant admin privileges on a lab machine so that you can install certain software or host a webserver for a project. It's stressful, time consuming and even almost impossible at times.
Of course, it is stupid to get upset by things such as these and make our work suffer. But that's the thing. Some of us are not good at handling such things. Of course, we should be careful in that case, by being well-prepared. But possibly we don't value these things enough, and therefore they soon hit us back.
We are also easily affected by reading or hearing very strong opinions in the media and blogs. Especially blogs, since such posts attract strong comments, and posts in response, further posts, and so on. Even though we may not get directly involved in these, they disturb us suffieiently enough to take our focus off work.
There are many such deterrents, but there are also a few things I have figured for myself which help me in dealing with these better than before. One of the things I do is to quickly try and do a cost-benefit analysis of 'routine tasks' that I face. For example, in the getting the change for the bus case, I check if there is any cost involved in not going to the lab (like missing a meeting), and if I can get the work done from home. And instead of running behind the admins, it might be better to consider getting most things done on your laptop. Or it might be better to find out if there is any machine in the lab that is not managed by the sysadmins.
In order not to get affected by opinions, I tend to simply avoid listening to or reading an opinion if I sense that it is too strong for me. The opinion might well have very good points, but unless they are presented in a calm and dispassionate manner, it is not for me. Even in cases when I do read a strong post or comment, I resist reacting through comments. Because, as I said, some of us don't like it too hot. Similarly, I try not to post opinionated posts on my blog or get into arguments about fine points.
None of these are foolproof, nor have I given systematic thought to them. Also, I don't always follow them. But when I do, generally they help in reducing some of the unwanted stress.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The University
Yesterday I happened to overhear a part of a chat between two guys in the lab here. I guess they were discussing the state of their respective theses (all PhD theses at all times and places are in a bad state, naturally), and somehow the chat seems to have moved on to PhD students in general. One of them suggested that nobody does a PhD in IITs. And the other one agreed and further said that even the ones that do are not up to scratch, and they probably do PhD in IITs because they don't have any other option. Actually, he used Hindi equivalents of words such as "leftovers" and "otiose". But anyway, that's not the thing.
Forget these desis who have apparently escaped the below par IITs (the very havens to reach which they doubtless spent several months in Kota, Rajasthan, only a few years before that). A labmate of mine, a fellow PhD student of mine, in fact, used to proclaim repeatedly, the following line - "BTech's are the products of IITs, MTech's the byproducts and PhD's the waste products."
The cleverness of such things notwithstanding, we can point to several leftovers and waste products that are, well, being very productive. But that is also not the point. I hear such things so often that it's neither offensive nor amusing. Surely the IITs, or the higher education in India in general, for that matter, has a very long way to go. That low quality students join IITs (or other institutes in India) for PhDs or that IITs produce low quality PhDs is probably (circularly) true in general. While I don't have a problem with the generalization, I only find statements such as the ones I cited ironic.
When you state such truisms, you are either reinforcing a stereotype or being a party to a self-fulfilling prophecy or both. Let's say you are one of the few bright people in India, and you go elsewhere and state that bright people don't stay in India, I don't think that would come to me as a fascinating realisation.
Please make no mistake. I am not at all suggesting that people, bright or otherwise, should stay in India just because they are born here. It's an individual's choice. It's true that opportunities are not abound here. Especially the brightest people find great opportunities abroad, and it might well be foolish on their part to miss them. There are also strong points in favour of the argument - 'the best people should get the best opportunities and conditions.' I agree with that too. But the only clause that might be useful if we add it is - provided some of them come back and reproduce the kind of opportunities and conditions that they had the privilege of experiencing.
The US was, and continues to be, built by people from all over. It's the people who create the opportunities and nurture conditions that attract more people. After all, it is the people who make an institute or a country great, and not the other way round. So, unless the whole world can migrate to the US (or Western Europe), there is a dire need to create opportunities and nurture conditions elsewhere, on the way to making them also attractive and great.
One of the most important steps, if not the most important step, in this direction is the university. That's what made Europe and the US great. That's what we need to build if we want to see a better India.
There's also another incentive that the university provides in terms of preserving/developing our culture. Build high quality, big and real universities. Not just new IITs, but places that facilitate teaching and, more importantly, research in all disciplines -- arts, history, linguistics, basic sciences, engineering, culture etc.. Build places where ideas can flow freely, ideologies can clash in a constructive way. Let people discuss sciences, culture, languages and arts; let people innovate. Then we will see cultures being preserved in a real sense.
Forget these desis who have apparently escaped the below par IITs (the very havens to reach which they doubtless spent several months in Kota, Rajasthan, only a few years before that). A labmate of mine, a fellow PhD student of mine, in fact, used to proclaim repeatedly, the following line - "BTech's are the products of IITs, MTech's the byproducts and PhD's the waste products."
The cleverness of such things notwithstanding, we can point to several leftovers and waste products that are, well, being very productive. But that is also not the point. I hear such things so often that it's neither offensive nor amusing. Surely the IITs, or the higher education in India in general, for that matter, has a very long way to go. That low quality students join IITs (or other institutes in India) for PhDs or that IITs produce low quality PhDs is probably (circularly) true in general. While I don't have a problem with the generalization, I only find statements such as the ones I cited ironic.
When you state such truisms, you are either reinforcing a stereotype or being a party to a self-fulfilling prophecy or both. Let's say you are one of the few bright people in India, and you go elsewhere and state that bright people don't stay in India, I don't think that would come to me as a fascinating realisation.
Please make no mistake. I am not at all suggesting that people, bright or otherwise, should stay in India just because they are born here. It's an individual's choice. It's true that opportunities are not abound here. Especially the brightest people find great opportunities abroad, and it might well be foolish on their part to miss them. There are also strong points in favour of the argument - 'the best people should get the best opportunities and conditions.' I agree with that too. But the only clause that might be useful if we add it is - provided some of them come back and reproduce the kind of opportunities and conditions that they had the privilege of experiencing.
The US was, and continues to be, built by people from all over. It's the people who create the opportunities and nurture conditions that attract more people. After all, it is the people who make an institute or a country great, and not the other way round. So, unless the whole world can migrate to the US (or Western Europe), there is a dire need to create opportunities and nurture conditions elsewhere, on the way to making them also attractive and great.
One of the most important steps, if not the most important step, in this direction is the university. That's what made Europe and the US great. That's what we need to build if we want to see a better India.
There's also another incentive that the university provides in terms of preserving/developing our culture. Build high quality, big and real universities. Not just new IITs, but places that facilitate teaching and, more importantly, research in all disciplines -- arts, history, linguistics, basic sciences, engineering, culture etc.. Build places where ideas can flow freely, ideologies can clash in a constructive way. Let people discuss sciences, culture, languages and arts; let people innovate. Then we will see cultures being preserved in a real sense.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
'Because I just came back from Iraq'
[An experience I had several months ago.]
I had swallowed half a beer when he came in. Someone had inserted a few coins into the jukebox. It was some new pop song. 'Why would someone pay to listen to a stupid song,' I wondered smugly. He seemed diffident. He sat on a chair against the counter, not far away form where I was sitting. He was introducing himself to everyone around and shaking hands. But his conduct was not that of a leisurely socialising. Rather, he seemed to yearn for reassurance.
'Are you okay?' I was surprised by that question that came toward me. I hesitated a bit and said, 'I am okay. Just enjoying the song.' He continued, as though he did not hear me, 'I am asking because I want to be sure that you are okay over here. You know, I just came back from Iraq.' Everything seemed clearer at once. I turned attentive. 'You are from India, right? I like people from India. Uh.. let me say something in your language. Uh.. naamaste!' I smiled and asked him, 'Why had you been to Iraq? On some business?' I felt stupid as soon as I finished asking the question. Why would he have gone to Iraq? 'Yup, US army.' 'I am sorry, that was a stupid question. It should have been obvious,' I said. 'No, no! You are doing good. Anyway, tell me about yourself. You are so far away from home. You do call your folks everyday, right? Because I know how tough it is to stay away from home. I was in Iraq for the last 18 months.' I didn't know what to say. It's true I am away from home. But that's where the similarity ends. I am not living in my country, but is there any comparison between living a free life in a free country and living in a warzone like Iraq?
He went on, 'Now don't bullshit me. Tell me if you are okay here or not. Because people who come from other countries should be happy here. They should feel they are welcome here.' 'Don't worry about that. This is very much a peaceful country like mine.' He looked a bit satisfied to hear that. 'I am glad to hear what you say. Still, if anybody says anything, or you face any discrimination, don't hesitate to report it. In your university or somewhere... there are people who take care of these things.' 'Well, I haven't really experienced any such thing. And I am sure I wont. Don't worry.' 'That's good. But be careful. You guys are a bit mild. And there are quite a few assholes around... well, you know... there are asshole everywhere.' I laughed and said, 'Oh, don't bother about that. We have them too. In fact, I am sure we have many more assholes in India, simply because we have many more people!'
He was looking much better after all this talk. But it was evident he was totally shaken. I don't know what he had experienced, but surely he had not come out of it still. He asked about my family. Asked if I was married. Although he didn't say anything about it, I sensed a dislocation in his personal/family life. I found myself sitting next to him feeling rather heavy. 'I am still shaken up,' he repeated. He was unsure of everything; was apologetic. He happened to burp, and apologiesed profusely about that. He added, 'Because I came back from Iraq only the other day.' to everything he said. 'Don't worry about that. You are back home,' someone said. But somehow nobody was really interested in him. I don't know why I felt empathy. I too tried to console him that he has come back to his own country. It was odd, though.
He left after a while. As he was leaving, he beckoned the bartender and the people around us, and said, 'Make sure he's okay,' pointing to me repeatedly. They all looked blank. A few even shared a smirk or two. I quickly signalled to them that everything is allright. 'Make sure he's okay, because I just came back from Iraq,' he walked away slowly as he said that.
I had swallowed half a beer when he came in. Someone had inserted a few coins into the jukebox. It was some new pop song. 'Why would someone pay to listen to a stupid song,' I wondered smugly. He seemed diffident. He sat on a chair against the counter, not far away form where I was sitting. He was introducing himself to everyone around and shaking hands. But his conduct was not that of a leisurely socialising. Rather, he seemed to yearn for reassurance.
'Are you okay?' I was surprised by that question that came toward me. I hesitated a bit and said, 'I am okay. Just enjoying the song.' He continued, as though he did not hear me, 'I am asking because I want to be sure that you are okay over here. You know, I just came back from Iraq.' Everything seemed clearer at once. I turned attentive. 'You are from India, right? I like people from India. Uh.. let me say something in your language. Uh.. naamaste!' I smiled and asked him, 'Why had you been to Iraq? On some business?' I felt stupid as soon as I finished asking the question. Why would he have gone to Iraq? 'Yup, US army.' 'I am sorry, that was a stupid question. It should have been obvious,' I said. 'No, no! You are doing good. Anyway, tell me about yourself. You are so far away from home. You do call your folks everyday, right? Because I know how tough it is to stay away from home. I was in Iraq for the last 18 months.' I didn't know what to say. It's true I am away from home. But that's where the similarity ends. I am not living in my country, but is there any comparison between living a free life in a free country and living in a warzone like Iraq?
He went on, 'Now don't bullshit me. Tell me if you are okay here or not. Because people who come from other countries should be happy here. They should feel they are welcome here.' 'Don't worry about that. This is very much a peaceful country like mine.' He looked a bit satisfied to hear that. 'I am glad to hear what you say. Still, if anybody says anything, or you face any discrimination, don't hesitate to report it. In your university or somewhere... there are people who take care of these things.' 'Well, I haven't really experienced any such thing. And I am sure I wont. Don't worry.' 'That's good. But be careful. You guys are a bit mild. And there are quite a few assholes around... well, you know... there are asshole everywhere.' I laughed and said, 'Oh, don't bother about that. We have them too. In fact, I am sure we have many more assholes in India, simply because we have many more people!'
He was looking much better after all this talk. But it was evident he was totally shaken. I don't know what he had experienced, but surely he had not come out of it still. He asked about my family. Asked if I was married. Although he didn't say anything about it, I sensed a dislocation in his personal/family life. I found myself sitting next to him feeling rather heavy. 'I am still shaken up,' he repeated. He was unsure of everything; was apologetic. He happened to burp, and apologiesed profusely about that. He added, 'Because I came back from Iraq only the other day.' to everything he said. 'Don't worry about that. You are back home,' someone said. But somehow nobody was really interested in him. I don't know why I felt empathy. I too tried to console him that he has come back to his own country. It was odd, though.
He left after a while. As he was leaving, he beckoned the bartender and the people around us, and said, 'Make sure he's okay,' pointing to me repeatedly. They all looked blank. A few even shared a smirk or two. I quickly signalled to them that everything is allright. 'Make sure he's okay, because I just came back from Iraq,' he walked away slowly as he said that.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Of academic dreams
Increasingly I am dreaming dreams that are "academic", for want of a better word. The motifs are: research group meetings, meetings with adviser and informal (research kind of) discussions with fellow research students; "developing" algorithms or "finding answers"/ "convincing arguments" to research questions. Once in a while, I am not a part of of the cast, but a remote spectator to a small set of people (I think only two) engaged in a dialectic on a variety of topics. Sometimes in English, sometimes in Kannada. To be sure, in a conscious state I have none of the range, depth, vocabulary or fluency that characterise these dreams.
What is startling is not just the frequency, but also the lucidity of these dreamy or dream-like states. Unlike the other (non-academic) dreams, I can remember at least the broader details for a long time. A few weeks ago, I had a discussion, not with one of the usual suspects, but a close cousin of mine, about my thesis work! Specifically, about a paper which deals with work similar to mine; he was giving me advice based on the details in that paper. Alas! I only remember to the extent of the name of the paper, and not the advice :) Another time I had "figured out" that the results that I have got in a experiment are the best for the model that I am using. Again, while both the results and the model are real, the link has gone missing. More than a few times I leave the bed trying hard to remember the algorithm/model that I had "developed" for a problem I am working on.
Why, even this morning I broke away from an interesting discussion on publications etc. with two of my labmates (in Bangalore) ;) We were discussing how there are not enough conferences in a particular field of research, and how a lot of important work in that area is published in a seemingly unrelated (but important) journal. Anyway, these dreams constantly leave a nagging feeling behind -- "Did we actually discuss something substantive?", "Did I actually develop some useful ideas?" Though all this must be illusory, the possibility, however narrow, of making progress by sheer fluke is too attractive to completely rule out!
I have a few reasons that possibly explain why this happens: (1) I always start working late in the day, and most of (the very little) focussed work that I do, occurs during the wee hours. There is no gap between stopping working and hitting the bed. So, when I go to bed eventually, the work "continues" in the subconscious. (2) I spend a lot more time thinking about doing the work (and imagining how I am going to do it and the consequence of its completion) than actually doing the work! (3) I almost never complete things. Not on time, anyway. So, I never go to bed with a relaxed feeling; I sleep on the incomplete things. Probably, the subconscious projects a temporary illusion of having achieved something through the medium of dreams, thus putting the mind to rest. (4) This is especially true on days when I don't do much work (and there are more than a few). On those days, the guilty mind starts "doing research" and produces such a dream, just to make sure I can sleep a bit. ;)
Lest anyone misconstrue, let me make it clear again that none of this implies that I do a lot of research work. Quite on the contrary, they indicate that I need to (1) do a lot more work, than thinking about doing it, (2) regularly, and at regular hours, (3) towards completing things on time. This problem is fairly well defined. Now, I should see if I can actually solve it in reality.
What is startling is not just the frequency, but also the lucidity of these dreamy or dream-like states. Unlike the other (non-academic) dreams, I can remember at least the broader details for a long time. A few weeks ago, I had a discussion, not with one of the usual suspects, but a close cousin of mine, about my thesis work! Specifically, about a paper which deals with work similar to mine; he was giving me advice based on the details in that paper. Alas! I only remember to the extent of the name of the paper, and not the advice :) Another time I had "figured out" that the results that I have got in a experiment are the best for the model that I am using. Again, while both the results and the model are real, the link has gone missing. More than a few times I leave the bed trying hard to remember the algorithm/model that I had "developed" for a problem I am working on.
Why, even this morning I broke away from an interesting discussion on publications etc. with two of my labmates (in Bangalore) ;) We were discussing how there are not enough conferences in a particular field of research, and how a lot of important work in that area is published in a seemingly unrelated (but important) journal. Anyway, these dreams constantly leave a nagging feeling behind -- "Did we actually discuss something substantive?", "Did I actually develop some useful ideas?" Though all this must be illusory, the possibility, however narrow, of making progress by sheer fluke is too attractive to completely rule out!
I have a few reasons that possibly explain why this happens: (1) I always start working late in the day, and most of (the very little) focussed work that I do, occurs during the wee hours. There is no gap between stopping working and hitting the bed. So, when I go to bed eventually, the work "continues" in the subconscious. (2) I spend a lot more time thinking about doing the work (and imagining how I am going to do it and the consequence of its completion) than actually doing the work! (3) I almost never complete things. Not on time, anyway. So, I never go to bed with a relaxed feeling; I sleep on the incomplete things. Probably, the subconscious projects a temporary illusion of having achieved something through the medium of dreams, thus putting the mind to rest. (4) This is especially true on days when I don't do much work (and there are more than a few). On those days, the guilty mind starts "doing research" and produces such a dream, just to make sure I can sleep a bit. ;)
Lest anyone misconstrue, let me make it clear again that none of this implies that I do a lot of research work. Quite on the contrary, they indicate that I need to (1) do a lot more work, than thinking about doing it, (2) regularly, and at regular hours, (3) towards completing things on time. This problem is fairly well defined. Now, I should see if I can actually solve it in reality.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Small ideas
It's amazing how small ideas can improve the quality of one's life. A small change, a small adaptation, a single flip bit in the stream of your daily routine can potentially take you to a new level of optimality. The small change can potentially help you (re)discover a part of yourself. Say a software tool that you come across, that rekindles an old flame in you, and you get hooked on. Or an old idea that you suddenly decide to pick up again and work on. These small changes can indeed remove you from a state of stagnation; remove from a state of over-brooding, listless, stressful local minimum. They can take your focus off yourself, off your all but insignificant survival, and refocus it on your ideas, your work, your creativity. That is the key: taking the focus off you; it removes stress, makes you more productive and happier. The small change you made has a larger effect on your personal and work life and those of the people around you.
If the quality of your life is great, good for you. But always be on the lookout for the small ideas. Never underestimate the power of the occasional small change. It's always an odd mutation that causes a leap in the scheme of things.
If the quality of your life is great, good for you. But always be on the lookout for the small ideas. Never underestimate the power of the occasional small change. It's always an odd mutation that causes a leap in the scheme of things.
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